He gave me a Vegemite sandwich

Progress and that: I've sorted a new house for when I get back from NZ, with a Rhiannon who seems really nice and doesn't appear so far to mind about the shambolic liability she's allowed to take her spare room. And she gave me a free pair of 'Beefy and Boony' cricket figures just for showing up... and they make Pom-bashing comments whenever you press the button, class! (OK she's got a truckload she's trying to give away but buggers can't be choosers.)
Done a CV too, think it makes me sound almost grown-up: all lies, obviously, but that's the rule isn't it? I'll be touting that around tomorrow.
In other, far more important news, finally heard Men at Work's deathless masterpiece 'Down Under' on the telly today, phew! Was starting to think it would never happen. Makes me want to bounce around in an undignified manner whenever I hear it. Click here, do the same and don't even try and pretend it's not the greatest thing you've ever heard. Surely it's only a matter of time before Jay-Z samples it?

Revolver

Happy Australia Day. Went to this last night and ended up having a pretty fun time of it; Revolver's quite a cool joint, so cool in fact they don't even have a sign outside - asked a large bouncerish type if he knew where it was, he said 'Yes', long silence; asked where in fact it was, he said 'Here but I'll need some ID' in the clear belief that as an obvious 14-year-old I wouldn't have any, not knowing (ha!) that I had in fact taken the precaution of bringing my passport along for that very eventuality. Nerd 1 Security 0.
Inside, it's not massively different in decor or ambience from many a popular hang-out that someone's put a bit of thought into, but what sets it apart is that they've crammed pretty much everything you'd want into the one place. Big lounge with comfy sofas, armchairs, bar and DJ for drinking, smoking, dancing, pashing? Check. Pool and pinball? Check. Thai restaurant? But of course. Band room? Spiffing. Perhaps most impressive of all, it's open 24 hours a day over the whole weekend, every weekend. There you go Kate, your Melburnians were right. Ended up having my hand shaken and a tequila placed in it by a bassist from a local band, Ryan, nice guy; night was concluded chilling out at his mate's place down the road, most congenial.
Other than that it's been a relatively quiet week spent doing all the boring stuff: trying to sort out accommodation for when I get back from NZ (after a few bits of advice from people I'm fairly set on staying here for at least a month or 2), getting an Australian bank account, tax number (so I don't get quite as shafted by their Inland Revenue as I would otherwise - just the 29% rather than 47%, nnngh!), getting a CV done. All change soon.

Apropos of nothing

Currently getting heavy rotation on the iPod in my head: The Beatles, 'I'm Looking Through You' (Rubber Soul). No idea why, except perhaps that it's a choice between that and the WeetBix theme (soundtrack of the teeth-gnashingly irritating ad foisted on us during the cricket, seen approx. 500 times, replete with Hitler Youth pinup blondie kid morphing horribly into Brett Lee's grinning mug - be thankful you've been spared).

What to do?

Not too much to report since the last post: the play was very funny, made some good points about sex, marriage, politics and relationships and you didn't have to know too many 1960s Australian politicians to get the jokes. Friday evening was spent getting bladdered with the cousin and various of her workmates while (in the latter part of the evening) trying drunkenly to perv at the mayor's daughter without being noticed. And failing. No bodyguard attention though fortunately, she seemed the forgiving type.
Under two weeks to go until New Zealand and I'm still too pants to have actually planned anything, or even got the (de rigeur) Lonely Planet book yet. A few days in Wellington, get down to Christchurch, umm... Queenstown? Dunedin? Any other place on the map that's written in capitals? Well, I've got a month there so should hopefully be able to cobble together some sort of itinerary even if I'm being lame.
After that, there's a bit of a quandary. Basically, I can't decide whether to try and get a job in Melbourne or somewhere else. Other relatives are arriving to stay with my uncle and his family so wherever I stay I'm gonna be paying for my own accommodation, so that's no longer a factor. A potentially major plus for staying put is the possible arrival of Aor here in April (there's apparently an '80 percent' chance she'll get a work placement via her tutor's company), as well as the fact that from what I've seen of the place so far Melbourne's a pretty ace place to live, and the average rent in a flatshare is a lot less than I was paying for a shoebox in Leeds. On the other hand, even if Aor does make it here there's no guarantee that we could just take up where we left off, and even if we did, time once again would be against us. I've no burning desire to visit Darwin, or Broome, or Cairns, but people tell me they're gorgeous; Perth's a billion miles from anywhere, but apparently it's easy to get a job there; I could do what quite a few others do and follow the fruit-picking trail round the country, but it's basically slave labour. And so on. Decisions, decisions: my least favourite game. Toss a coin? Roll dice? Could give the blog an interesting new flavour. Watch this space.

Back from beyond

Well, a very enjoyable trip and I'm still in one piece. Biggest mishap we had was a punctured tyre which meant we had to give up one expedition (we only had one spare and, I'm told, going on without one at 100° isn't the best of ideas), but that was about it really so I'm not complaining. What we did get to see was pretty special, and I even got to drive! It was the first time since I passed my test and a hell of a lot easier: I'm now officially a big fan of automatic gears, cruise control and roads that go on without turn or traffic for 40km - we did 900km and changed time zones just on the first day! The biggest challenge is reminding yourself you're not about to drive into a lake - the mirages are crazy. Stopped at a campsite in a mining town called Broken Hill for a couple of nights, quite an interesting place bang in the middle of nowhere. Lots of the streets have mining-related names, e.g. 'Bromide Street', 'Cobalt Road' and the one that sounds like it's from Viz, 'Slag Street'. From there we went on to stay at Mungo National Park, which is just stunning: a lake until around 30,000 years ago, it's now a massive dried-up basin with sanddunes running round one side. It and the land around it are almost totally flat, which combined with the bizarre, otherworldly-looking dunes made for probably the most spectacular sunrise and sunset I've seen anywhere. Anyway, I'm not gonna be able to do it justice so just have a look at the pics (photos by my uncle - my camera had given up the ghost the day before, frustratingly). The day after was spent at Pink Lakes, which surprisingly enough actually are pink - they're so salty that the only thing able to survive in them is a sort of algae which for some reason produces beta-carotene, hence the colour. Bloody weird-looking actually: felt like we were staying at a beach resort on an alien, and slightly camp, planet.
So, back here, a weekend spent getting industrially wasted at my cousin's friend's holiday house down the coast (yeah, tough call I know), day at the tennis yesterday (or rather waiting for the tennis while being slow-roasted: it was so hot they postponed play 'til after 8pm, annoying but as court temperatures were somewhere over 120° I suppose I can sympathise). Determined to get my money's worth I ended up hanging on there past midnight; they were still going when I left! Some great crowd action: chants in broadest Aussie, German, Swedish and, obviously, Chilean, which made for an entertaining atmosphere, and eventually we even got some decent tennis. Worth it in the end.
Off tonight to the theatre to see this and feel slightly less clod-like than usual. That's if I get the jokes. Take care. Ta-ta.

Bush tucker man

'Call that a knife?'

Going all Crocodile Dundee for the next five days camping with my uncle (I've faith he'll manage to keep me alive) so unless national park facilities are somewhat more high-tech than I've been led to expect, I'll be off-air until at least Friday. I expect to return sweaty, bruised, bearded and in possession of a croc-tooth necklace and highly dubious accent, but I could be wrong. In the meantime, take care and wish me luck!

Wish I'd written this

Last word on the cricket, from the Guardian website's over-by-over commentary:

'Like the England team, John Donnelly has lost it. "That was amazing," he says. "Pietersen going third ball has made me genuinely happy. As if all the pain, the lack of sleep, the humiliation, frustration, longing, anger, regret, bitterness, churlishness, and fear engendered by the last couple of months has vanished in one beautiful edge. I want to have a party. I want to kiss you all. I feel euphoric and free and weightless and joyous. I feel 17 again. It's my first kiss, my first sunset, my first steps rolled into one. Is anyone else feeling like this? I don't understand it but it has changed my life. Any Australians out there I pity you, because you will never experience the true euphoria of one who has hit rock bottom discovering that bottom is merely a door to another purer world. I am zen. I am cricket. I am the ball. I am love."'

Brilliant.

Call me Nostradamus

So, how was it for you? My new year's involved, in decreasing order of importance, beer, margaritas, 13th-floor view of Melbourne, charades, poker and balloons. Not bad, I must say. Even if I was spectacularly crap at charades ('The Castle', anyone?)
So, my predictions for 2007:
1. I will have had 6+ jobs by year's end, all sh*t.
2. England will have its worst year on record for sporting achievement and best for hand-wringing sports journalism.
3. I will fall in love with New Zealand and will semi-seriously consider emmigration a number of times while pissed before ultimately deciding that Bromley's where the heart lies.
4. Within days of my return, Bromley rudeboys will confirm the soundess of my decision with an affectionate mugging and battery.
5. Charlton for the Premiership.